Episode 01: The Man Trap

Now that the pilots have gotten out of the way, the series seems to have taken a much more recognizable form. McCoy plays a big role in this episode which characterizes him as a bit of a sucker for the ladies, Sulu has a big room of flowers shaped like hands, Spock's eyebrows have been tamed, and... wait, is Uhura hitting on Spock?

You know, I don't think a starship is quite the atmosphere for a Jim and Pam relationship, and I don't think emotionally dead alien and foxy black chick dynamic works quite as well as charming sales guy and cute receptionist. This comparison is a bit of a stretch considering Urhura and Spock's flirtatious interchange lasts for 30 seconds in the first episode, isn't it?

The episode begins with McCoy, Kirk, and Crewman Soon to be Dead venture down to the planet that is apparently barren save for some toppled over columns and a shrub or two. The Enterprise's mission is to check up on the pair of scientists researching the planet (one of which being McCoy's old flame), and re-supply them before setting off and leaving the pair to study, well, toppled over columns and a shrub or two I guess.

When we meet the pair, Dr. Crater goes into standard "Um, hi, nothing's wrong here. Just. Uh. GIVE US SALT. I mean, but we're fine. Completely. As long as you give us salt." I would imagine that Kirk and co. have been doing this whole space travel thing for a while now, and I hope that they would recognize a sweaty, terrified man begging for salt as, I don't know, a red flag? At the very least they may notice the girl they are talking to changes shape three goddamn times within the same conversation. The episode never really makes it clear whether the creature taking the shape of Dr. Crater's wife/McCoy's girl is a telepath or a shapeshifter--the episode implies that it's both, but that just seems fairly redundant. So I'm going to go for another telepath, making this the third episode featuring telepathy in a row. This is getting silly.

At first I thought this episode was going to go for the whole Succubus/Siren route with a shape shifting temptress drawing in men only to suck out their salt (hot), but it turns out to be just a shapeshifter who will shape into anyone and try to suck out everyone's salt (less hot). I calling the episode "The Person Trap" doesn't have much of a ring to it.

Shortly after the opening the inevitable happens:

Crewman Whoever winds up dead in record time, and Kirk and McCoy are just downright clueless about what could have killed him (Hint: It's the space monster, guys. It's never the innocuous thing you think could have done it). In the process the creature, of course, manages to find its way on board of the Enterprise and takes on several forms while killing three more nameless crewmen. At one point it even comes close to sucking the foxy life out of Uhura (it's back to being hot again).

Throughout its various transformations, the creature keeps biting its finger as if the audience needed a sign to know that it wasn't actually McCoy who grabbed that crewman's face and killed him. But just in case you guys needed help getting through this episode, I'll clarify:

McCoy

Not McCoy

Between the monster changing from one dead crewman to another the episode drags a bit. It lacks the action of the second pilot, and the brains of the first. And as Kirk and Spock scramble to figure out what keeps sucking the salt out of their crew members, I found myself dozing..........

Finally, an explosion! Turns out that Dr. Crater has a soft spot for murderous endangered species and tries to keep it from being discovered by the Enterprise's crew. Of course, the monster in the form of McCoy repays him by sucking out all of the salt from his face (and back around to being not hot).

The episode ends with a stand off between the real McCoy (*sigh*) and the creature (as Nancy). After some delay, and getting over the idea of his ex-girlfriend gripping the captain's face in a death lock, McCoy only kills it when it becomes a horrible, green death hag with sucker tentacle-covered kill fingers.

Fucking thing looks like a lamprey crossed with a dead Tina Turner.

This is Star Trek

Sulu begins setting everyone's doubts regarding his sexuality into motion:

Yeoman Rand gets checked out:

Kirk yells... again:

He's Dead Jim:
Production Episode #6
Death Count: 6
4 Enterprise Crewmen Sucked Dry.
Dr. Crater sucked dry off screen.
The creature blasted by McCoy.

Total Star Trek death toll: 18.

On the next episode...

Gerdurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr