Warp Speed Factor 15, GO!: Episode 10: The Corbomite Maneuver

Despite airing later in the season, episode 10 was the first episode to film with all of the regular characters in place. Production wise, this is Uhura and McCoy's first appearance, and also Sulu's first appearance as helmsman. It also marks the first and only appearance of this guy:

Durheeee

In this episode the Enterprise encounter a strange object floating through space that simply won't leave them alone. To make matters worse, it turns out the object on the screen is, in fact, a Windows 95 screen saver:

Terrified that their systems was working on a 200 year old operating system, Kirk and company blow it right the hell up. Suck on that, Bill Gates.

Unfortunately for them, and expectantly for us, another object that looks like a massive space disco ball appears to terrorize the crew. The ABBA ship locks the Enterprise into a tractor beam and the ship's captain, identifying himself as Balok, threatens to destroy the Enterprise in a big booming alien voice. Disco aliens tend to be touchy, apparently. Balok appears on the viewscreen as a wavy looking rubber alien remniscent of the Wizard, except with much less expression, movement, or any sign of life. Being compassionate, Balok decides to allow the crew ten minutes to pray to whatever deity they may or may not believe in before he blows the ship up while listening to Meco.

After Lieutenant Baily flips out and cries (it's okay Dave, I would cry too), we find out that Kirk is a big fan of World Poker Tour. He doesn't quite pull out the reflective glasses and cowboy hat, but he does bluff his way out of being dead by basically telling Balok that the Enterprise was rubber and that his ship was glue, and if they blow up his ship would too. I came up with that myself, I would make such a kickass Starfleet officer. In essence the episode should have been called "Captain Kirk has Balls the Size of Softballs," or at least "Kirk's Huge Balls Maneuver."

After being Balok bails and drags the Enterprise along with him, Kirk manages to break free by having the entire crew shake and run around the set as if the ship were moving. After breaking away, the Enterprise picks up a distress signal from Balok's ship claiming that his life support had depleted. Kirk then has his Star Trek Captain moment of sympathy when he orders an away team to transport onto the alien ship in order to save Balok. Kirk being Kirk, opts to go on the away team and chooses McCoy and Lieutenant Baily. Guess who isn't coming home?

When the away team transports aboard the untastefully decorated ship, they discover that the alien they were talking to before was just a puppet (Nooo.), and ten round the corner to discover...

God. Fucking. Damn it.

Of course it was a super-smart space baby. Of course it would be. Why wouldn't it be a super-smart space baby? Shit.

As the episode ended I started wonder what could have become of the kid who played Balok, thinking I would look it up on imdb later to find out that he was never in anything else, became addicted to coke, has three kids and lives in Tulsa but still shows up to the occasional convention to sign pictures of himself from when he was seven.

Wait a second, Clint Howard?! Ron Howard's brother? Get the fucking fuck out of here. Well I guess it's nice to see that Balok went on to have a career of being in his brother's movies as the weird looking guy. That and he was in Ice Cream Man.